Goodbye New York Thank You For The Experience!

  

     It can be difficult sometimes to love yourself. It is easy to get down on yourself and believe the lies your ego tells you. The repetitive patterns of the past are always there to stifle your progress and ground you in the past or cause you fear and anxiety for the future. These subconscious beliefs from the past need to be released, only by releasing of the things that bind you can you change into the person you want to be. I have encountered much resistance on this trip and so far have been able to transcend it each time and stay focused on my goals and what I am doing now to accomplish them.

     This trip will test my ability to transcend all negative emotional attachment. I continue to practice Lester's methods and Ho'oponopono and have seen amazing results. Whenever I felt myself resisting the moment I would immediately try to recognize the feeling I was having and if it was connected to something. I would use Lester's process to release the feeling then I would use Ho'oponopono to heal the person or circumstance connected to the feeling. If there was only a feeling then I would just let it go as it was probably a random subconscious thought from a past feeling that I could not pinpoint.

     As soon as I did the releasing something magical happened every time! Something would open up, a door of opportunity would open. If I worried about where I was going to sleep then no answers would come my way, no opportunity would present itself. But as soon as I released those feelings and put trust in the now the door always opened. I have had a place to stay every night even though it is tough to find a couch in NY on short notice. I am enjoying the process of releasing even though I resist doing the releasing sometimes but if I persist the results can only improve.

     One of my problems is finishing or completing. I get excited about an idea and then half way through I lose interest or feel like it is not worth finishing or bringing to completion. One of my strongest negative beliefs is that anything I do won't work so why bother. I know the root cause of this belief now and I am working to release it completely. I have not felt this that much on my trip but it has been there trying to come to the surface somehow and it did today. It felt easy to release and I have not felt it since. I am determined to complete my journey of trust which will end in me being a published author, a public speaker and having a freedom that no money can buy.

     You must believe in yourself as a being no better and no worse than anyone else. We are all truly equal. We are just having different experiences and learning different lessons. This is the great school of duality called Earth. We are here for but a moment but elsewhere for eternity. 

     My friend Tony found another Couchsurfing host for me to stay with not too far from his place. Another Couchsurfing member who was not that active cause of a busy schedule and having friends crash at his place regularly anyway. My new host again was very hospitable and accommodating. Him and his friends were all young entrepreneurs living life on their own terms. Two of the guys who came to hang out and party had their own boats. One had planned a trip that would last 10 months! He invited me to come along at some point if I wanted too. He emphasized the importance of being ready to work hard on the boat as it needed some work on the deck. If I was to come I'd be scrubbing the deck like a swabby at times earning my keep which is all find and good. He also emphasized the important of being sea worthy, knowing safety procedures and the intricacies of sailing. I am on my own trip now and have my own business to attend too. I wish him good fortune on his trip and perhaps we will cross paths again.

     Although I had fun and much interaction with the younger crowd there I did not get much sleep at least at night as there were people coming and going and partying going on. I had my fill and was ready for a quite more relaxing place. In fact I was starting to feel the need to move on from NY completely. I checked my email and a Couchsurfing host Daniel from upper Manhattan who I had made a request from earlier now offered a couch to me as he was now available. I accepted his offer and was glad I did!

     His neighborhood was right on then boarder of the Bronx close to the river and a very nice park that had a hilly wooded area you could walk around in, a dog park for dogs, tennis courts and a big area for kids to play. I spent everyday I was there walking around and enjoying it, doing some clearing and releasing. 

     Before I left for my trip I ordered a Walmart prepaid credit card. It had not arrived yet so my wife was going to send it to me when it arrived. By the time I got to Daniel's I was down to just a few dollars and started to stress out about how I was to eat and pay for transportation to my next destination. I found a cheap bus ticket on Mega Bus and I needed to by it soon as the price was going to change within the next couple of days. 

     I was talking to my wife about the credit card problem and what we could do to fix it. After getting off the phone I sat down and released all of the feelings and tension I was having about the issue and then got ready for bed. My host was heading to bed and stopped to say that he was concerned that I would not get the cheap bus ticket before it was too late and offer to buy the ticket for me in exchange for dinner sometime in the future when he is traveling near me. I was simply amazed at how fast after clearing and releasing a solution arrived! I was filled with joy and appreciation at that moment so much I could barely get to sleep! I thanked him for his generous giving and know that he will be blessed with more than he gave. I can't wait to by him dinner!

     Daniel is searching for answers to life's biggest questions and we had engaging conversations on the bible, religion, atheism, agnosticism and spirituality. He was brought up atheist and he is now reading books on religion, the bible and agnostic views. I know he will find what he is looking for and I suggested he enjoy every moment of his research and to trust in his intuition to lead him. I look forward to seeing Daniel again soon. Thank you very much!

     

Tsunami of Change

It has been a few days since I have posted so this will be the first of a few posts. I have been busy doing some serious clearing and the results having been awesome! 

We think of tsunamis as a terrible monster and for sure in one way they are but another type of tsunami is hitting Earth as I write this now. This is not a wave of water but of energy that is changing the consciousness of the planet. Those who are aware know of it and can access it's incredible transforming power. Like water tsunamis if you are not prepared it will over take you and you will not know when it hits. The fear of the on coming wave will paralyze you and there will be no escape. If you are prepared and vigilant you not only survive but thrive!

This wave is bringing in a vibration of higher frequency than is present now. The wave will overtake anyone that is not of the same frequency range. Anyone who wants to survive this on coming wave must merge with it at the proper frequency becoming one with it. It is like shifting gears without a clutch, you must match the RPMs in order for the gears to merge. Everyone is capable of raising there vibration to match this wave. You must first let go of fear, cause fear of any kind will not survive. Most of humanity ranges from 20 to 250 on the vibrational scale of consciousness. Unconditional Love starts at 500 and that is where you want to be. We are not far off from it and it is very attainable in a short period of time.



Acceptance is the key. Letting go is the door. Forgiveness the sign of welcoming (well - coming). We must let go of the old ways of control, fear, manipulation, insecurity, survival, the animalistic nature and embrace the new way of love, cooperation, oneness, freedom, expansion, the spiritual nature. It is not so much that these ways are new but there is a bringing about to the surface of what exists already to fullness. To discover our true nature, our true self that lurks behind the mask, the veil of illusion.

There many ways to raise your vibration. I have talked about a few techniques here already. One being Lester Levenson's method of releasing emotional attachment from past events thus freeing yourself of any blocks to the higher realms of consciousness. Ho'oponopono is another one which helps in healing your outside reality by taking total responsibility for it. Taking total responsibility for your reality that you experience gives you the ability to heal it because you are able to step back and become the observer of yourself and look at yourself objectively. This in turn gives you the power and control to shape your reality as you desire.

I am starting to see results and the results are a crescendo  building slowly, gaining speed.

Bare-ly making it

     After putting in several Couchsurfing requests for Friday and the weekend I got accepted by another  host in Brooklyn not to far from where I was currently staying. When searching through profiles looking for people to stay with I would come across a profile every now and then that stated that they are a nudist and that if you could not handle nudity then this couch was not a good idea for you. There seems to be a decent amount of nudist profiles in the New York area. Well it seemed inevitable that I was to have this experience cause the person who accepted my request was a nudist. This was the only couch being offer to me.

     He had other roommates that were not nudist and I figured if they can live there then I can stay there for a few days. Trusting in what is I decided to stay with them. I met my host Paul at Union Square where he gave me the keys to his loft as he was going out for the night and would be home late. His manner is serious but friendly and open. When I arrived at the loft, two of his roommates Albert and Joseph were there hanging out watching a movie on the PC. We didn't talk that much that night as it was late.

     The next day I talked with Albert and Joseph and got into some good conversation about life. We talked about everything from philosophy to Aliens, God, self empowerment and equality. Their other roommate Lex came home and joined in on the conversation. Lex is big into the occupy Wall street movement and talked about what was going on with it.

     My host came home later that day. The nudity did not bother me at all. He was very natural about it. Doing what anyone else would do in their home. I respect that he can be himself and not worry how other people think. All the people in the loft were gracious and hospitable . They provided me with some food and drink which I greatly appreciated!

     After staying in the loft I made my way to an old Couchsurfing acquaintance Tony who I knew from the Boston CS group. We had met at a few parties and I had crashed on his couch once. Tony had two nights available for me to surf. Monday and Wednesday. I did not know where I would go on Tuesday. He mentioned that he was going to Boston for the night and that is why he could not host me on Tuesday. I asked him how he was getting there and said he was driving his car. He would be staying one night and heading back late the next day. I asked him if I could come along so I could visit with my wife and kids for the day and he graciously said yes.

     I did not expect to be going home so soon but it was a good thing to go and see my family while I had the opportunity. At the time I was running out of money and needed to do some laundry and was wondering how was going to get more money and clean my clothes. I had signed up for a prepaid credit card that I could take with me on the trip so I could receive money from home or another source. I had not yet received it before I left and did not have a way for anyone to send me money. Going home was perfect for getting the funds I needed, doing my laundry and spending sometime with my wife and kids! Unfortunately I still did not receive my card when I went home so my wife will have to send it to my next destination.

     It was good to see my kids. I miss them so much! My little one Bray is starting to walk, taking his first few steps. He is not yet walking but he is taking steps in between points. My older one Hayden is having some trouble with me being away. Since he was born I have been around most of the time since I have been unemployed much over the last few years.  I hope to be able to see them soon again. I do keep in touch on the PC web cam a couple of times a week.

     I found a ride to Ohio my next destination. I will be staying with an old high school friend that I have kept in touch with over the years. I'll be leaving New York on Monday.

Days Gone By

  Days are flying by here in the big apple. Thursday I walked through central park enjoying another warm day in December. The ice skating rink was a nice feature. The Zamboni came out to clear the ice as I approached. I always wanted to drive a Zamboni for some reason. Maybe it is that the Zamboni clears the ice smoothing out all the scars from the people who have skated all over it. The scared up ice becomes smooth like glass by the warmth of the Zamboni.

Our life can be ice that has never been Zambonied! All scarred up from people skating all over it. No loving warmth to smooth clear away the scars. All you need to realize is that you are the ice and the Zamboni driver! You can clear the ice anytime. The power is within you to do it! Get clear have no fear! I swear by the Sedona method and Ho'oponopono! They work wonders for clearing your emotional baggage and healing your reality. I find the more I do it the easier it is to clear any negative emotions that arise.

I was hungry and most of the junky food that was served in the park was expensive. I came upon a food cart that had all natural and organic foods and it was more reasonable then the junk food for some odd reason.

My Couchsurfing host has been very hospitable! My PC was having issues with connecting to the Internet. Windows seven was the problem. He asked me if I would like to try Linux. He said the newer version is much more user friendly now then back in the day when Linux was really only for the techie guys. It is very stable, fast and needs no virus protection. You can download it for free with all types of add ons. So far I have no complaints it works great. Thanks Lorenzo!

Friday I spent a considerable amount of time chilling in Starbucks writing and attending to business. After sitting there feeling quite cramped up, I decided to get up and go for a walk. I walked for a long time talking on the phone to friends and suddenly realised I did not know where I was but I kept walking and talking. I finally ended up right near the 911 memorial and decided to take a peek and see what it looks like and feel the vibe in the area. Well it was a well guarded area to say the least, more police in a square block then people in Hong Kong.

When I reached the site which is all walled up with more cameras then a bus full of tourist, I started reading the sign about admission which was full of several instructions, a security guard or site personal came up to me and asked if I would like to go in. I said sure and he gave me a pass. As I walked through maze heading into the place I was overcome by a intense feeling of sadness and felt the presence of many souls. The feeling was so overwhelming I started to well up with tears. This was not my feeling! I had no feelings about 911 or victims or anything like that when this hit me.

I decided to not go in at that point and turned around and left. People started asking me why I didn't want to go in and I just shook my head like I couldn't speak. Then when asked again I just said I am not ready yet. They did not ask me anymore after that probably figuring I had become emotionally overwhelmed and had known someone who died. I did know someone on a 911 flight who died but I had only met him once. My Doctor had moved away and the new Doctor who had taken over was this person. I had one appointment with him before 911.

After leaving I did an immediate clearing. I decided that I would use Ho'oponopono to heal the victims of 911 from a distance by reading their names. Just like the Doctor did with all those mental patients by just looking at their files and repeating the mantra. I wouldn't know how many times to do it since I cannot know how the healing is going since I cannot see the victims healing. I will have to figure out a way to do this, those people need healing and they are still crying out! Something will come to me.

I think it would be a good idea to ease up on the security and make it more inviting. I think it is that very feeling of fear and insecurity that needs to be healed not just for the victims but for those who were deeply effected by the event and those who loss loved ones. There is no longer anything there to blow up or destroy, only deep pain that needs to be healed. I wish they would drop the walls around the perimeter and minimize security. I understand the fear but I think it is time to let it go and heal.

I must have walked 10 miles on Friday! I was completely exhausted by the time I made it back to my host's house. My host was not yet back from his day and so I decided to stop off in Williamsburg to have a drink and perhaps some good conversation. When got off the subway I found a street full of activity and life. Young college students being as hip as they can be, learning to express themselves. There are lots of shops, bars, cafes, art studios to name a few things. I decided to look for a good dive bar. I found this place about four blocks from the train. I don't remember the name of it as I was not paying attention to such details. After having a few drinks I started a conversation with the guy next to me Sam.

 The synchronicities that happen in life are of no coincidence. We talked about all the things that I am doing on this trip. He was nodding his head agreeing and relating his thoughts and feelings on all subjects. I told him about the Hermetic Institute and he seemed real interested in knowing more. I think he would love attending one of the seminars here in town. We talked for a time and he realized that he was supposed to meet his friends about 20 minutes ago. So we finished up our conversation and agreed to stay in touch both feeling uplifted from the conversation. 

Day One is Here!

     I am on my way to New York City as I write this now. I still have no couch to surf as of yet so I will see what becomes of the day and where it takes me. I am looking forward to going to the Institute of Hermetic philosophy tonight for a seminar and checking out the occupy zone on wall street if it is not to chaotic. Officials from officialdom have broken up the LA camp and there is a court procedure going on today in Boston to break up the Boston occupy zone. Weather may break the northern camps as winter approaches. If these camps all close the power behind them will not. I encourage those who participate in these to carry on in the work not fighting the system but changing yourself individually on the inside so that the outside will match. True change comes from within. This does not mean we don't take action. This means we take action inspired from our higher self and not from the outside world or reality.

     You can only change the outside world by becoming what you want to see inside. Once you have the proper state of mind and vibrational output, outside reality has no choice but to change. If you smile in a mirror it must smile back it has no choice but to do so cause it is only a reflection of you! How you see and experience the outside world is no different. If everybody in the world would do this we would have the peace we are wanting.

     I will miss my wife and two kids very much but will keep in touch by Skype. I know that our life will be better now as my wife and I work on our inside reality to create the outside reality we desire. Our kids will be so blessed by our effort to get clear and focused on how we truly want our lives to be. They will benefit greatly by our new state of mind and positive outlook.

     I met a cool guy on the commuter train into Boston. He talked about some of his travels and experiences serving in the military in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was a very knowledgeable person who had a great outlook on life despite going through some tough times in the military. He told me about the time he was seriously injured when his Hummer flipped over and on to him as he was the gunner on top. He had broken his back and was in the hospital for four months. That did not deter him but he stayed focused on getting well and living! After he left the hospital he went on a two month trip to experience life as it comes. What do you know that is exactly what I am doing! We agreed to stay in touch.

     I arrived in New York city I went to the nearest Starbucks to check the status of my couch requests. Still at this point I had no couch and a few more declines. I started to feel that old feeling of “things never work out for me” among other feelings. I immediately cleared those feelings using the Sedona Method of releasing feelings that don't serve you. You first allow the feeling to be, then stand back from it as an observer feeling the sensations in the body. Then you ask yourself a series of questions that help you to let go of this feeling. Now there may be several feelings connected to one general emotion. I was feeling fear of the future which can be connected to anger, resentment and a number of other emotions. Usually there is a train of emotion starting with the first main emotion fear.

     When clearing you may first only be able to clear one or two of the emotions connected to an event, to your thoughts or fear you are experiencing. There is always more then one emotion working together and they all need to be cleared out. It may take several times before you clear your mind of certain fears before it is completely gone even then they can still pop up once and awhile but it will be mild compared to how it used to be and easier for you to clear it out.

     Once clear I ask myself one more question. What positive action can I take now. This helps to keep your thoughts and feelings positive instead of falling back again into the negative. My mind suddenly becomes clear and things start to flow again. I put out some more requests and found a couch almost immediately.



     Five pm and it is time for my seminar at the Institute for Hermetic Philosophy. I was graciously welcomed by all and don't think I could even describe completely the amazing experience I had at this seminar in one post. The theme of the presentation was Transcendental Wealth. It was about how one could acquire true wealth by knowing thyself and becoming a consciously aware human. It is the true wealth Christ talked about when he said "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." As they say you can't take it with you, the material wealth you can achieve in this physical reality. What you can take with you is consciousness! The more conscious awareness you can achieve in this life the better off you will be in the next.

     Obtaining true wealth is only for those who are ready for it. It is open to all to obtain but most will not see it or understand it because they are to focused on this 3D physical reality and can't get beyond the five senses of the physical world. If one does not obtain enough consciousness in this life he will still not know who he is in the next life until he reaches a point of consciousness that lifts the veil from the eyes of understanding. It is like Christ said "For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them."

     If your spiritual eyes, ears and heart are not open then you cannot even begin to understand true wealth. To open up you must begin with shutting down the constant static in the mind from the continual patterns of thinking caused by the ego. Once the mind is quite a new thinking takes over as now you are able to see and hear and discern with your heart that which can't be done with the physical mind. The mind can only receive and perceive. The higher mind conceives, creates, causes and knows.

     I encourage you to take advantage of the methods of clearing described in this blog to help clear the mind of old patterns of thinking and behavior that no longer serves you and tap into the true power of your higher mind, your true being, your presence. Email me if you have questions about any of the methods I use.

     The Stellar Man written by John Baines alias for Dario Salas Sommer, founder of the Institute for Hermetic Philosophy is an astounding book that will open your mind to a reality beyond the veil of ego and identification with form. I highly recommend it!  

     This first day was great! I am looking forward to all the experiences and lessons life will teach me on this journey. Life is good!

Resistence is truly futile!

     It is amazing how resistant you can be without realizing it. Yesterday I woke up in a mood of anxiety, worry about the future, fear of failure to name a few of the emotions I was having thinking about my trip and there lies the problem. I was over thinking, analyzing and trying to force things to happen instead of allowing things to unfold. This was good though cause I was able to stand back and be the observer and not let the emotion overtake me. I used the Sedona Method to clear and let go of the negative emotions I was experiencing. After my mind felt clear and I was able to now let things flow to me and they did!

      I am planning to go to New York for the start of my journey. I left messages on several Rideshare boards intending to find a ride and to share gas expenses which would be roughly thirty dollars on a vehicle that gets decent gas mileage. I have also put in several Couchsurfing request for overnight stays with CS hosts. As of yesterday everything had turned flat. I was not finding a ride or a place to stay. I was getting frustrated and started to let emotion take over me until I decided not to let it! After clearing and letting go, my wife told me to check Greyhound. Now she told me to do this a few times before but I dismissed it because I was sure I would be getting a Rideshare ride. I checked Greyhound and lo and behold they had an amazing ticket price of fifteen dollars from Boston to NY! Allowing works great when you actually allow!

     I have had a problem with my phone charging which was stressing me a bit too. I believed it to be the charger not the battery. I looked into a new charger and it was thirty to forty dollars. I mentioned to a friend that I needed one and they said they would see if they still had one that would fit my phone. Lo and behold they did! So after letting go of my worry about the phone the universe provided freely.

     Time to get personal. I have been struggling financially all my life. Mostly because of beliefs inherited from my upbringing. Secondly I was more interested in the inner workings of life and understanding the whys of things. Why people behave the way they do? Why we are so destructive and loving at the same time? I grew a hatred towards money too because of the way it is used as a form of slavery and weaponry. I decided to let go of all my beliefs about money and just accept that it is only a form of abundance and exchange. I decided I would open myself up to all forms of abundance equally, not putting money on a higher plane then hospitality or service of any kind.

      Running low on food and food stamps being held up due to my wife's commission based employment, my wife ask me to check out the food pantry. I didn't resist and just went to check it out. I brought my youngest son Bray who is turning one this December. When I got there the people were very helpful and friendly and happy to interact with Bray. Due to the loving kindness we received four bags full of groceries, baby diapers, laundry soap and a fifty dollar gift card for even more food!

      You never know what can happen when you allow life to come to you instead of forcing your will upon it. Relax, intend and enjoy the experience! You'll live longer, happier and more prosperous!

You are a Creator

     You are a creator. Right now you are a creator in training or rather a creator that has forgotten itself in order to experience being creation instead of creator. The paradox is that you never can stop being a creator. You create your reality whether your conscious of it or not. You decided to forget in order in experience and slow down the process of creation, to be one with it, to know it from a walking in it's shoes perspective. To experience the known by becoming an unknown creation. All creation is new otherwise the word creation makes no sense. All that is infinitely possible exist in creation. Nothing exist outside of existence itself because there is no explanation or experience in nonexistence. Nonexistence has no experience and therefore cannot be explained. You can't explain nothing cause there is nothing to explain.

      That said everything that will, has and now exist, exist now and is eternal! All possibility exist now. If you exist now then you always will whether that be consciously or not. Now is the only real time. The more you can adjust yourself to the time of now the more you will actually be alive and truly living! When your mind is in the past or the future it is not in the now. If your not in the now your truly not awake and alive, no but your asleep or virtually dead. If your mind is on the future then that is where you are living and that has not happened yet and you have no way of knowing it's outcome or how you will get from here to there since you are not even here but trying to be there already. If your mind is in the past then that is where you are living and that has already happened and cannot be changed in the past but only in the present. The past and the future exist now. They can only be changed now. You cannot change the future in the future or the past in the past accept in your mind and being in the now.

Christ teachings of living now.

      Then he said to his disciples: “On this account I say to YOU, Quit being anxious about YOUR souls as to what YOU will eat or about YOUR bodies as to what YOU will wear. For the soul is worth more than food and the body than clothing. Mark well that the ravens neither sow seed nor reap, and they have neither barn nor storehouse, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more worth are YOU than birds? Who of YOU by being anxious can add a cubit to his life span? If, therefore, YOU cannot do the least thing, why be anxious about the remaining things? Mark well how the lilies grow; they neither toil nor spin; but I tell YOU, Not even Sol´o·mon in all his glory was arrayed as one of these. If, now, God thus clothes the vegetation in the field that today exists and tomorrow is cast into an oven, how much rather will he clothe YOU, YOU with little faith! So quit seeking what YOU might eat and what YOU might drink, and quit being in anxious suspense; for all these are the things the nations of the world are eagerly pursuing, but YOUR Father knows YOU need these things. Nevertheless, seek continually his kingdom, and these things will be added to YOU.

      “Keep on, then, seeking first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these [other] things will be added to YOU.

     The Pharisees asked Jesus, `When will the kingdom of God come?' He answered them, `You cannot see the kingdom of God when it comes.
People will not be able to say, "Look, here it is!" or "There it is! That is because the kingdom of God is inside you.'


      Then he said to another: “Be my follower.” The man said: “Permit me first to leave and bury my father.” But he said to him: “Let the dead bury their dead, but you go away and declare abroad the kingdom of God.”  And still another said: “I will follow you, Lord; but first permit me to say good-bye to those in my household.”  Jesus said to him: “No man that has put his hand to a plow and looks at the things behind is well fitted for the kingdom of God.”

      By continually seeking the kingdom which is inside us all, that creative power to create our reality as we wish, we can gain the freedom of a fully conscious being. When you tap into that power completely there is no more pain, fear, distress or disturbance there is only love, joy, peace, contentment and excitement for life, you become alive, truly alive! All negative emotion is destructive to life, entropy. Positive emotion is life extending, expansive, eternal.

      Unlock your creative power by understanding who you are and why you are here. Learn to live in the now by clearing out all negative emotion connected to the past and future. By trusting in what is now presently going on in your reality and why it is there, for it is there to teach you about who you are and what you want to experience and learn here in physical reality. To be present is to be able to step back and observe yourself objectively and understand why you are experiencing life the way you do. To take total responsibility for your outside reality cause you created it from your inside reality through your thoughts and feelings. When you understand that you create everything you experience by attracting it to you through the vibration that you are projecting out then you will understand the real power you have to change it at will!

      As with anything it takes some effort and dedication. It does not have to be hard. It will only be as hard as you make it. It will depend on how much resistance your ego will put up. The more you let go and allow life to flow to you instead of chasing after it the more you will experience the true bliss of life itself.