It can be difficult sometimes to love yourself. It is easy to get down on yourself and believe the lies your ego tells you. The repetitive patterns of the past are always there to stifle your progress and ground you in the past or cause you fear and anxiety for the future. These subconscious beliefs from the past need to be released, only by releasing of the things that bind you can you change into the person you want to be. I have encountered much resistance on this trip and so far have been able to transcend it each time and stay focused on my goals and what I am doing now to accomplish them.
This trip will test my ability to transcend all negative emotional attachment. I continue to practice Lester's methods and Ho'oponopono and have seen amazing results. Whenever I felt myself resisting the moment I would immediately try to recognize the feeling I was having and if it was connected to something. I would use Lester's process to release the feeling then I would use Ho'oponopono to heal the person or circumstance connected to the feeling. If there was only a feeling then I would just let it go as it was probably a random subconscious thought from a past feeling that I could not pinpoint.
As soon as I did the releasing something magical happened every time! Something would open up, a door of opportunity would open. If I worried about where I was going to sleep then no answers would come my way, no opportunity would present itself. But as soon as I released those feelings and put trust in the now the door always opened. I have had a place to stay every night even though it is tough to find a couch in NY on short notice. I am enjoying the process of releasing even though I resist doing the releasing sometimes but if I persist the results can only improve.
One of my problems is finishing or completing. I get excited about an idea and then half way through I lose interest or feel like it is not worth finishing or bringing to completion. One of my strongest negative beliefs is that anything I do won't work so why bother. I know the root cause of this belief now and I am working to release it completely. I have not felt this that much on my trip but it has been there trying to come to the surface somehow and it did today. It felt easy to release and I have not felt it since. I am determined to complete my journey of trust which will end in me being a published author, a public speaker and having a freedom that no money can buy.
You must believe in yourself as a being no better and no worse than anyone else. We are all truly equal. We are just having different experiences and learning different lessons. This is the great school of duality called Earth. We are here for but a moment but elsewhere for eternity.
My friend Tony found another Couchsurfing host for me to stay with not too far from his place. Another Couchsurfing member who was not that active cause of a busy schedule and having friends crash at his place regularly anyway. My new host again was very hospitable and accommodating. Him and his friends were all young entrepreneurs living life on their own terms. Two of the guys who came to hang out and party had their own boats. One had planned a trip that would last 10 months! He invited me to come along at some point if I wanted too. He emphasized the importance of being ready to work hard on the boat as it needed some work on the deck. If I was to come I'd be scrubbing the deck like a swabby at times earning my keep which is all find and good. He also emphasized the important of being sea worthy, knowing safety procedures and the intricacies of sailing. I am on my own trip now and have my own business to attend too. I wish him good fortune on his trip and perhaps we will cross paths again.
Although I had fun and much interaction with the younger crowd there I did not get much sleep at least at night as there were people coming and going and partying going on. I had my fill and was ready for a quite more relaxing place. In fact I was starting to feel the need to move on from NY completely. I checked my email and a Couchsurfing host Daniel from upper Manhattan who I had made a request from earlier now offered a couch to me as he was now available. I accepted his offer and was glad I did!
His neighborhood was right on then boarder of the Bronx close to the river and a very nice park that had a hilly wooded area you could walk around in, a dog park for dogs, tennis courts and a big area for kids to play. I spent everyday I was there walking around and enjoying it, doing some clearing and releasing.
Before I left for my trip I ordered a Walmart prepaid credit card. It had not arrived yet so my wife was going to send it to me when it arrived. By the time I got to Daniel's I was down to just a few dollars and started to stress out about how I was to eat and pay for transportation to my next destination. I found a cheap bus ticket on Mega Bus and I needed to by it soon as the price was going to change within the next couple of days.
I was talking to my wife about the credit card problem and what we could do to fix it. After getting off the phone I sat down and released all of the feelings and tension I was having about the issue and then got ready for bed. My host was heading to bed and stopped to say that he was concerned that I would not get the cheap bus ticket before it was too late and offer to buy the ticket for me in exchange for dinner sometime in the future when he is traveling near me. I was simply amazed at how fast after clearing and releasing a solution arrived! I was filled with joy and appreciation at that moment so much I could barely get to sleep! I thanked him for his generous giving and know that he will be blessed with more than he gave. I can't wait to by him dinner!
Daniel is searching for answers to life's biggest questions and we had engaging conversations on the bible, religion, atheism, agnosticism and spirituality. He was brought up atheist and he is now reading books on religion, the bible and agnostic views. I know he will find what he is looking for and I suggested he enjoy every moment of his research and to trust in his intuition to lead him. I look forward to seeing Daniel again soon. Thank you very much!